…but this IS my relaxed face…

“When I first met you, I thought you were a b****, but then I got to know you and now I really like you.”

The first time I heard those words, it shook me, and hurt my feelings.  But it also cleared a lot of things up.  And believe it or not, I’ve heard variations of that sentiment multiple times throughout the years. (Friends can be kind of mean when they’re comfortable telling you things…) :-/

My entire life up to that point, I had never understood why people wouldn’t approach me.  From my perspective, I have several issues:

  1. I’m a hardcore introvert
  2. I can be shy. Sometimes painfully so
  3. I’m confident
  4. I have a very loud mind, so tend not to talk very often
  5. I tend to stick with people I’m already comfortable with

Apparently, THAT translates to THIS:

belle RBF

I suffer from a condition known as RBF. If you don’t know what that is, Google will be happy to inform you.  It’s a silent terror that has afflicted many of us since long before Hollywood made it cool.

It’s indiscriminate.

It’s not well-understood.

And there’s no cure.

It can lead well-meaning friends to say kind of ugly things in the spirit of awareness.

  • “I really didn’t like you at first”
  • “You can seem kind of snobby sometimes”
  • “I nearly quit because of you”
  • “You should just try smiling more”

Anyone else tired of being told to smile more??

First of all, smiling all the time is creepy.

creepy grin

There’s nothing genuine about perma-grin, people!  It’s weird and unnatural.  I smile when I mean it.  Then you know it’s for real.

Well-meaning people have tried to motivate me to change.  And yes, there’s a lot of shaming (whether intentional or not) involved.  I had really gotten to the point that I felt like something was wrong with me.  The “perfect storm” of thoroughly unapproachable, if you will.

But you know what?


I’m not going to change.  I’m not going to alter who I inherently am just because people judge others on first sight.

Smile at me.

If I glare at you in response, THEN you can label me a b****.

Unless of course you did something worth me glaring at you, in which case, you’re still not allowed to judge me.

People should know by now that you CAN’T judge a book by its cover.  You can’t judge a stranger by the expression on their face.  You’re just being ignorant if you think you can label ANYONE at first sight.

Because underneath the RBF, to those who have come to know and love me, I’ve been called

  • funny
  • clever
  • quirky
  • silly
  • weird
  • unexpected

And I’m okay with all of that.

Next time you see a face that you’re determined to judge, push the pause button and pay attention.  There’s an 87.3% chance that you’ll be surprised by what you discover.

If it's good enough for Jeremy Renner, it's good enough for me.
If it’s good enough for Jeremy Renner, it’s good enough for me.

Have you ever been judged unfairly? Or have you ever judged someone else unfairly? How did it play out?

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15 thoughts on “…but this IS my relaxed face…

  1. I can totally relate! I’ve been told I come across as snobby but I’m really just shy especially when I first meet people. As a manager new employees were scared of me and it always made me laugh because I rarely considered myself a mean or scary person….The snobby one kind of hurts though when I hear it.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I can’t believe people would perceive you this way! You are so lovable online! I say thing same thing about the “smile more” comments. Its weird if you just walk around smiling lol!
    You are wonderful RBD and all.
    PS- I don’t think you have RBD 😊

    Liked by 1 person

    1. haha 🙂 Thank you! I really am very lovable. I think for me it’s usually that I have so much happening inside my head, sometimes I don’t know what my face is doing… and when I’m around new people, I focus my energy on who I’m already comfortable with. I try really hard to read people before I make a judgement about them because of it though ❤


      1. I know exactly what you mean. It’s an introvert thing. I am noticing that us introverts tend to be great online personalities lol!
        I am thing same way with friends. When I like you, I tell you EVERYTHING I’m thinking. Everyone else I swear I feel like I am working customer service haha.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. “You can’t judge a stranger by the expression on their face.” Amen sister! I agree with every word you wrote 🙂 While I don’t have a RBF I have been known to put off people when they first meet me several times because of my shyness. But you know what I ‘m not gonna change either, I smile when I mean to, and while I smile a lot more these days, it’s not because I ‘ve been told to change. It’s because I FEEL LIKE IT! So keep rocking sister 😉 (also I looove Tom Hiddleston’s evil grin haha 😉

    Liked by 1 person

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